Surfing The Wave: Guide To Mindful Thinking And Change

With spring on our mind, many of us are looking at making some changes in our lives, getting some renewed motivation to work towards those goals we have been contemplating for a while. 

We set a goal, make a plan and set on our way to make some changes full of enthusiasm and optimism! 

Common behaviors that people sometimes want to target are: 

•  Emotional eating 

•  Social media use 

•  Alcohol or substance use 

• Online gambling 

• Lashing out at loved ones 

Then routine settles in, and an urge to do that thing we have been trying to change comes about.  

The urge feels uncomfortable, unpleasant and it feels like it will never go away. The more you try to stop thinking about it and push the thought away, the more it keeps coming back. You might feel helpless and not know what to do! You might find that you choose to satisfy the urge, to get rid of the uncomfortable feeling. 

This is a common human experience, one that can be very upsetting when the behavior you are trying to change is important to you. 

Next time you are experiencing an urge, try thinking of taking up SURFING! 

Urge Surfing is a mindfulness technique of distress tolerance used in both DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy) and CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) models. 

This strategy encourages you to picture the urge you are feeling as an ocean wave.  Waves are small when they start, they grow to reach a peak, and then break and fall. Surfers know that even the biggest wave will eventually come down and break. The urge is like a wave because it builds up to a high point, and then falls. When the urge is at its most intense, it might feel like it will never go away, but most urges will go away after 20-30 minutes.  

Picture yourself picking up your surfboard and riding the wave. This might look a little like this: 

1. Acknowledge the urge is happening.  

2. Notice your thoughts, feelings and sensations without judgment. Imagine yourself looking at the wave and noticing what it looks like and feels like.  You may have heard this method referenced to as mindfulness. 

3. Remind yourself that urges are a normal part of changing a habit. You can remind yourself that urges are temporary and will go away eventually.  

4. Aim to ride out the wave for 5-10 minutes at a time. Check in with yourself and see how you are feeling after that time. Instead of telling yourself that you can never do the behavior,  tell yourself “not right now”. You are delaying for short periods, until the urge goes away, not forever. 

   

Make a plan: 

Some people find it helpful to have a plan in place on how they are going to ride the wave. 

If you know what might trigger an urge, you can prepare a plan of action for when that trigger happens: 

If a certain place/ location/ social setting triggers an urge, make a plan for leaving that area when an urge shows up. 

If stress is a trigger, try focusing on your breathing, taking slow, deep breaths. 

Distraction can also be a useful way to ride the wave. Popular distraction strategies can include: 

• Calling a friend 

• Singing your favorite song 

• Going for a walk 

• Holding ice in your hands or to your neck 

Making change is hard. Acknowledging our thoughts without judging them can feel almost harder in the moment. However, people who have tried mindfulness approaches to urges have observed that the urge eventually gets less strong, as the mind gets used to the urge not being met.  

Are you trying to make changes in your life and finding it more challenging than expected? At Aligned Minds Counseling and Therapy, we can support you on your journey! 

References 

  Linehan, M. (2014) DBT Skills Training Manual. 2nd edn. The Guilford Press. Available at: https://www.perlego.com/book/4409582 (Accessed: 31 March 2025). 

Urge Surfing: Distress Tolerance Skill | Worksheet | Therapist Aid